Sunday, 8 September 2013
Impact Poetry 3. If you ever hear...
The IF YOU EVER HEAR series
(A scientific study into natural phenomenon)
No 1 If you ever hear... Worms squelching.
Setting for research: A sunny meadow in the heart of Perthshire.
Subject under scrutiny: A battalion of worms out for a morning excursion.
" Left right, left right, left right, wriggle."
Joe worm. (Private first class) "Sir! Something is moving beyond our left flank!"
(distant sound of hoofs and slow swish of tails)
Three star worm. "Halt men. Spread out and form a square. Defence formation."
(sound of hoofs and slow swish of tails getting closer)
Three star worm. "Tricky situation this chaps. We appear to be outflanked. Retreat is not an option for the professional soldier however. Never was. Hold your nerve men. Steady. They may pass us without noticing we are here due to our superb camouflage "
Joe worm. " May I suggest forming a long line Sir?"
Three star worm. " You may not Private. We are stronger together for attack.
Where's your backbone man! "
Joe Worm. " I don't have one Sir. I'm a worm"
Joe worm. "Sir! Enemy have launched anti personnel missile!"
Three star worm. "Sound the retreat Private! Dive men, dive!"
Joe worm. "ABANDON GRASS! ABANDON GRASS!!!"
Three star worm. " Damn."
Joe worm ( philosophically) "Looks like we're in the (cow) shit again Sir."
Three star worm ( with extreme dejection) "Forward troops. To the river. You know the drill."
"Squelch squelch, squelch squelch, squelch squelch, wriggle."
(So if you ever hear worms squelching you'll know what it means)